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I’m a tad bit


Its hard to get past these few days, staying motivated to keep working, just for a grade. Seriously?!? I cannot focus on school, just my thoughts of this semester. Mainly, the beginning and how much it has changed me. I honestly do not think I could have made it through if I did not have the support from my sisters, friends, and family. I just wish all the side affects of what happen could end with the semester, however they are going to keep lingering. It is just depressing to go home and not express certain things with some people because they would treat me differently, see me as a different person, and feel bad for me. I just wish people could see how strong I’ve been. That I have been able to push through more than I should have. My relationship with certain people have distanced because of it and I wish I could just rewind it and changed that one part. I seriously, wanna know why I still put blame on myself for this. Like people say its not my fault, but in some ways I feel it is. 

The less sleep I get the more I think about it, and how soon I will be leaving to go home. I honestly do not want to leave. I just want to stay here and enjoy myself, and just keep my relationships with friends in family back home over the phone. I definitely want to just keep pushing through, and get everything done, and let time fade this away. But life is not like that. 

Oh well, just a few more days until I am back home and can go into a sleep coma to restore the lack of rest I have received in the past 2 weeks.

It’s like screaming, & no one can hear. You almost feel ashamed; that someone can be that important, that without them you feel like nothing. No one will ever understand how much it hurts. You feel hopeless, like nothing can save you. And when it’s over; and it’s gone, you almost wish that you could have all, all that stuff back. So that you could have the good.
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